Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
