im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
