I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
