One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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