Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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