You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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