No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
