had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
