Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
