Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
