your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
