i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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