mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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