My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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