I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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