I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
