so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
