I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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