The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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