My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
