Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
