Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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