She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
