I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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