hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
