I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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