I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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