The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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