I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
