grandma shit on top of the toilet
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
