Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
