Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
