shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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