yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
