bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
