He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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