I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
They have beer where we have blood.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
