Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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