You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Houston, we have a squirter
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
