also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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