On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
