did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
