i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
