I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
