Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i would punch a child for taco bell
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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