She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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