am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
