Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
