you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
