Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
