The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
