I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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