You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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