i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
