i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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