You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
