We're facebook friends in real life
i barfeds in our rink
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
