i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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