Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
