Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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