Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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