I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
