this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
