My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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