This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
