i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
